Thanks for sharing this, Nicci. I am looking forward to learning how to be generous in sharing other authors' works, as you are!
For me, everything is a grappling of sorts. My entire life, especially my entire adult life. Nothing is straightforward. Everything has this gray area that drives me mad. I did not grow up in an environment friendly to nuance or openness. I grew up in an environment often hostile to it.
So the grappling is what I often write about, here and elsewhere. In my memoir, it's about grappling with how (and why) I did not want children when I was growing up, yet I carried this dissonance all the way until I started having children, 5 of them.
Why, when I did not like kids or feel comfortable around them, I chose not to contracept and therefore used an alternative means of family planning that is both unpopular and drives many to immediate judgement about me and my lifestyle.
Why, when I began struggling with infertility, I fought for the children I did not yet hold, who were still specters I conjured. Why I kept having children, even after Sarah's rare craniofacial diagnosis left me ostracized from my social network, burnt out, and with a marriage on the brink of collapse.
And now, why, in my forties, I am only now questioning the deeper motivations of my life decisions. These, and many others, are what my writing is composed of. Very long answer to a short question.
Thanks for sharing this, Nicci. I am looking forward to learning how to be generous in sharing other authors' works, as you are!
For me, everything is a grappling of sorts. My entire life, especially my entire adult life. Nothing is straightforward. Everything has this gray area that drives me mad. I did not grow up in an environment friendly to nuance or openness. I grew up in an environment often hostile to it.
So the grappling is what I often write about, here and elsewhere. In my memoir, it's about grappling with how (and why) I did not want children when I was growing up, yet I carried this dissonance all the way until I started having children, 5 of them.
Why, when I did not like kids or feel comfortable around them, I chose not to contracept and therefore used an alternative means of family planning that is both unpopular and drives many to immediate judgement about me and my lifestyle.
Why, when I began struggling with infertility, I fought for the children I did not yet hold, who were still specters I conjured. Why I kept having children, even after Sarah's rare craniofacial diagnosis left me ostracized from my social network, burnt out, and with a marriage on the brink of collapse.
And now, why, in my forties, I am only now questioning the deeper motivations of my life decisions. These, and many others, are what my writing is composed of. Very long answer to a short question.