Two quick announcements, then on to your regularly-scheduled newsletter.
First, I have volunteered to take part in The Great Substack Story Challenge II. This is a challenge in which ten Substack fiction writers take turns writing a chapter from a story. We decided to each take on a separate POV and describe the same event, and next week it’s my turn to post an installment! If you want to get caught up, you can find the first chapter here. I’m going to take this opportunity to write a memoir-style but completely fictional scene. I’m excited about it.
Second, I wanted to remind everyone that I am offering a paid subscription option on my newsletter. What do you get if you pay? Besides the satisfaction of knowing that you’re supporting me, you get access to more content. I now have five paid-only newsletter posts that dive into the nitty gritty details of things that have happened in my life. If this sounds interesting, click below to access the paid option:
Okay, on to what you’re here for. Today’s newsletter post is about focus.
Sometimes, I have trouble focusing. Okay, you got me, a lot of times I have trouble focusing. My favorite metaphor for this is that “I’ve got too many tabs open: literally on my browser, and figuratively in my brain.” I thought for a long time that this was a moral failing of mine. Most people can just sit down and complete a task when they need to. Most people remember to schedule the appointments, make the calls, do the chores that are important in day-to-day life. Most people don’t suddenly remember at 5pm that they don’t have a dinner plan for the day. What is wrong with me? I would think the third time in a week I’d forgotten to account for dinner. This shouldn’t be so hard.
Well, finally, at age 32, I’ve learned what was up. I have ADHD.
Discovering this about myself was a slow process, and there was a whole lot of guilt that came before that revelation. My understanding is that’s common for people my age who are just now getting diagnosed. But what I really want to talk about is my take on how this thing about me interacts with my writing. The conclusion I’ve come to is:
Writing makes my life with ADHD easier.
Having ADHD makes writing harder.
You see, I’ve long known that I have trouble expressing myself verbally. It’s not that I can’t, or that I can’t be animated or engaged while talking—quite the opposite. But often in a conversation I’ll have trouble following the thread because I get distracted by something. Maybe the person has really long nose hairs, and I’m wondering if they know. Or maybe I just remembered I was supposed to do laundry that day, and I’m wondering if I will still remember to do it after the conversation is over, or if I’ll forget again and have to stay up late to switch it over because the next time I remember the laundry is at bedtime. And even when I am following the thread of a conversation, and want to contribute to it, sometimes it’s hard to pick exactly how to condense the vague cloud of my thoughts into words in an order that will make sense to the person I’m talking to. I get frozen trying to figure it out, and typically they assume I have nothing to say and keep talking. The moment passes, and when I do find the words, it’s too late.
Writing crystallizes my thoughts in a way that speech doesn’t. If I find that I am telling something in a weird order, I can move things around. I have time to play with it and fine-tune it. It’s really quite lovely to turn a nice phrase. I’ve never been one for snappy wordplay in conversation, but in writing I relish in it.
Unfortunately, it’s hard to take the time to sit down and write. I live a busy life. I have my kids half the time, I have a busy social calendar, I have a full-time job, there’s always cleaning and exercising to do, games to play, and books and movies to enjoy. It’s really hard to strike a balance. Sometimes I feel like I should start filling up on octane to get all the energy I need to do it all. My forgetfulness only makes it all the harder.
I’m glad I set a publication schedule for myself on here, just to feel like I have some kind of deadline I need to meet. Otherwise, I’m sure I would have long ago gone over a month not remembering to post anything, and after that, it’s difficult to get back in the routine. Which is to say, thank you for being here. Thanks for reading what I write and helping motivate me to focus on writing, if only for a little while every other week.
Do you ever have trouble focusing? Feel free to share in the comments.